RANDOM #1

the color of her eyes changes with the times
a reinvention of sorts
maybe she’ll dye her hair black like her eyes on the day she was born
her mother thought it was a sign

it was.

why is fear so attractive
how does the darkness draw you in
it can make you feel alive
she’s afraid of the day she turns 21
maybe food is the real problem
she’ll begin to view it as a weakness
“and you feel alive, you feel alive, and you feel alive”
turn away and don’t look back
it only makes you regret
let go of regret and find your freedom
she tells herself lies and paints pretty pictures
in the end she’ll know she was wrong
for now it’s the only way to escape
instead of the mastered fake smile you’ll see a careless indifference
you’ll know she thinks she’s better than you
her gaze will pierce your insignificant and disgusting face and you will feel shame
she won’t pretend to like you
she won’t care what you think of her
what can’t be fixed can be numbed
so call me Nil
if that’s what you intended
because You never gave me a name
but he did
and it suits me