Hidden

Depressed people try to escape. They think if they hide, they can pretend they’re fine. I don’t like walking around in the dark at night. It freaks me out. I heard a song today on the radio at work about America and it made me sick. It was all “America is better than everyone else” shit and I wish I could find the lyrics to it but I can’t. The movie Spun always makes me feel like writing. Cassie and John are both asleep on either side of me. I was the only one that drank red bull, that’s why I’m stil awake. I feel alone. More alone than usual. John puked into the sink and it looked like a fresh burrito. Weird. It didn’t even look like puke, it looked like refried beans and red peppers. He pretends that he doesn’t puke often but he does if no one is monitoring him and needless to say, I wasn’t monitoring him. The cat always likes to sleep next to him. Our porch is infested with ants. I’m hiding. I always hide. That’s why I seem nice in person. I’m hiding behind being nice. I think maybe the reason I’m not a complete bitch is because my conscience makes me afraid of being a bitch. I wish I didn’t care. But I care a lot. This movie is soooo loud. Cassie is snoring now. John keeps breathing loud like he’s blowing his nose. I wish I was tired. I wish I could sleep. What drug can you make with niacin? Young thug looking guys are always coming into rite aid to buy niacin and it makes me wonder. I can never take Jason Schwartzman seriously. Is that even how you spell his name? I couldn’t take him seriously in Marie Antoinette either. Life is confusing. Life would be easier if I knew God didn’t exist. Life is harder because I think maybe he does. “Getting fucked in a porn shop” I really love the song in Spun during the scene where Ross and Nikki are talking on the drive to drop her off at the bus stop. I can’t find it on itunes. It’s not available. “You don’t notice it while it’s happening. Life is sort of passing by.” I think this movie is incredible. I hate it when someone kisses me when they’re all stubbly. It feels like sandpaper on my face. I would never EVER try meth. Meth makes people gross. My head hurts. I’ve had a headache all day long. I used to be able to drink more but ever since I’ve held back. Ever since. I really like Gossip Girl and I feel like an idiot for it but you know what IT’S A GOOD SHOW. Not intelligent or thought-provoking in the least but still addictive. Serena killed someone??? I’m thinking it wasn’t really her fault, she just thinks it is because Georgina twisted everything around. I hate Georgina but I feel a bit like her. I think I could easily be a psychotic bitch, terrorizing people for no real reason. But I don’t. And I won’t. But I could. I wish John didn’t always get sick and pass out. He’ll be pissed that I wrote that. He only gets sick most of the time, not ALL of the time. He’ll still be pissed. I like microfleece. I think I’m getting tired. I wish I could sleep forever. I’m tired. Not just physically. I’m tired. I’m hiding. Bye.