Tattoos!

John and I are getting tattoos! We’re going to make an appointment with someone in Benton on Tuesday but he’s booked all the way until September so we’ll have to wait :( but at least it gives us time to save money!

Feeling Strange

I feel like there are so many things I want to express, need to express but I would appear completely out of my mind, or just plain boring and depressing if I posted them here. I could write them in my journal but I feel like that’s not enough. No one is going to see what I put in those pages and it doesn’t satisfy the urge to express if I’m only placing my thoughts on paper. Paper will eventually begin to tear and decay but if I express myself to another person my thoughts could possibly live on through them, if only for a moment. Maybe within that moment they could be spread to someone else, or another and another. What a waste it is to simply put my thoughts on paper. Especially since my journal is all the way upstairs and I’m incredibly lazy.

That One Summer

It’s strange how music can transport you to certain places, fill you with an emptiness, a fullness, a weakness. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of that summer. mewithoutYou, Life In Your Way, Norma Jean, Misty Edwards, Jason Upton… they all leave me feeling empty and hurt. I’m hurt because I long to feel the same way I used to. Anyone can go through the motions without any emotion. My passion for God has been replaced with a fear that I’ll never feel the same again. I want to feel as though I’ve accomplished something.

Love

It seems like when a man is in completely in love, people find it romantic. However, when a woman is completely in love, people tend to find it annoying, clingy, and more like a passing infatuation.

Migraine

Yesterday John and I tried to plan a day at the beach together because we hadn’t seen much of each other since he got back from Idaho. It took us three hours to get to the ocean, a fortune in gas/drinks/snacks, and the exact moment I set foot on the sand I noticed something was wrong. I had a huge blindspot in my left eye. I ignored it because I thought maybe the glare from the sun had screwed up my vision and it would be fine once I adjusted. Well as we walked further down the beach it wasn’t going away. We found a place to set up our stuff and I tried to focus. This is when I realized it wasn’t a blind spot anymore, it was a jagged rippling light that didn’t go away, even when I closed my eyes. I’m no fool. I knew this was a migraine because I’ve had plenty of experience with auras. I was too exhausted and disappointed to do much of anything besides flop down on the blanket and await my fate. I knew within 20 minutes or so the aura would go away and horrible pain would ensue. Normally I would freak out and try to find a cool, dark, quiet place but there was no point. The car was a long walk away and home was hours away. I would have to endure this horrific event on the hot, uncomfortable, loud beach. I think I must have fallen asleep because I sat up and realized that about an hour had passed and I still didn’t have any pain. THANK GOD because I think having a full on migraine in that setting would have killed me. However, I was overcome with terrible nausea and an attempt at playing in the water for just a few seconds made me want to die or puke or drown. My head felt 10 pounds heavier on the left side and had a dull ache that usually follows one of my migraines. I have no idea how I managed to escape the murder that is one of my regular migraines but this still didn’t make up for the fact that our beach day was absolutely ruined. I was very sick and we needed to leave after only being there for an hour and a half. Then when we got home I was still feeling really sick and I wasn’t the best company. WHY MIGRAINE? WHY?

Last Post Today, I Promise

Okay, last post of the day because apprently I’m going tumblrcrazy right now. I can’t get a few things off my mind: poetry, classic literature, tattoos, the cheeseburgers and french fries and strawberry shake that I ate/drank on accident, Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Hulu, Nancy’s birthday party and how I’m nervous that I have to show up alone (I hate showing up anywhere alone… it makes me feel awkward) and I don’t even remember how to get there so I’m afraid I’ll get lost, wanting to watch The Motorcycle Diaries soon because I just bought it but I’ve never seen it, how nice it is outside and I’m sitting on the couch alone, finally seeing John in five hours, cleaning the apartment, and the wedding.